ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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