I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
