This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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