some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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