So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
