I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
God I need to hump something, right now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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