I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The best revenge is premature balding
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
