she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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