I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
whose parrot is this?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
