I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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