No, drunk sperm still make babies.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
