Your mouth is God's brothel.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize