Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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