so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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