I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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