do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
