i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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