just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
