just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just threw up on my dentist
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
