You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
