did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
