when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
