I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Let's get the cat blown out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
