kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
