i jhust puked up my retainher.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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