so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
