is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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