She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
