I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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