its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
