I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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