this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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