Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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