On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He has the fingertips of a God
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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