I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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