escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
