Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
