I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
