Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
