just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
