Don't make out with my wife yet
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
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