FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Pants are for mortals
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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