we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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