you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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