i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize