is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
