grandma shit on top of the toilet
He uses pillows to masturbate.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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