I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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