She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize