I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
