she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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