We're like a lot better than the average bears
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
