hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
