I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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