Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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