She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dignity is for republicans.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
