I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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