you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
