I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize