we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
