I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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