just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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