She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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