I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
