when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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