So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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