i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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