Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
