so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
