and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
