Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
