how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
