I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i now understand why vodka
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
