They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize