Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think i got beer on your cat.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
