just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
did i walk over a car last night?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
