when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
