Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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