I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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