so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize