Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize