In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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