Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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