First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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