I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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