my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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