All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
