Plan B is the new Plan A
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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