What a fucking waste of an outfit
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
